Time for Taper: My legs need the rest, my mind needs the confidence

If anyone would have told me before I joined Team Rogue that I'd survive 8 runs of 20 miles or more including 3 runs of at least 23 miles; that I'd survive 10 weeks where I ran at least 55 miles including 6 weeks of more than 60 miles; that I'd survive a 16-week program where I averaged 55 miles a week....

If anyone would have told me all this, I'd have taken it right then and been happy, happy that I was primed for a marathon PR.

But expectations can turn happiness into self doubt.

And that's what I'm feeling today. No, not that I won't PR my marathon in two weeks. If I can't run 26.2 miles faster than 3:53, then something is wrong.

But I'm hoping for a 3:20, which is what I need to qualify for Boston. And after today's run, which is the third 23-plus mile run I've done in the last four weeks, my legs and my confidence are feeling a bit shaky.

Today's workout had us do a 1.5 mile warm up, then run 20 miles at 20 seconds slower than marathon goal pace. There was water at Mile 5, 10, 15, and 20, and we could take a 2 to 5 minute recovery after Mile 10.

For me, that meant running 8:00-miles. I took the workout as more of a mental challenge than a physical one. I've had problems "going out too fast," in some races and workouts, so I wanted to make sure I stayed within the 8:00 m/m range, give or take 5-10 seconds.

I stayed on pace the first 15 miles. Here are the splits for the first 15 miles:
8:02.....7:55........7:58...........7:52.........7:51
8:02.....7:53........7:59...........7:57.........8:05
7:58......7:57.......7:56...........7:58.........8:00

My legs didn't want to cooperate during the last 5 miles of the workout. They were tight, leaking glycogen, and worse, I was becoming dehydrated. I took a GU and two thermolyte tablets at each water stop (which were spaced every 5 miles), but that didn't help my energy. At one point, I even stopped sweating. My hands and face were bone dry.
Here were the splits for the last 5 miles of the workout:
8:46..........8:46...........8:54........9:10.......9:05
We actually ran out of water after the last water stop and so I stopped at a gas station, saw a guy using a water hose to fill his radiator and asked if I could borrow it. "Sure," he said. I guess the good thing is that I stayed on pace for the most part during the first 3/4ths portion of the workout.

Still, here is what has happened to me over the last three 23-plus mile runs.

Aug. 29 race prep: I cramped and had to stop on Mile 24 of a 27-mile workout which featured 9 miles at MGP, 5 miles of steep hills, 1 mile at 5K pace on the track, and 6 miles on the track running paces that ranged from MGP to 10k pace.
Sept. 5. long run: After completing the first 21 miles of a 24-mile run in 8:20 pace, cramps and low energy slowed my last three miles to 11:30 min/mile pace
Today: First 15 miles in 7:58 pace. Last 5 miles in 8:56 pace.

This run wrapped up a 58-mile week. I'm tired. My legs have no spring in them. None. Nada.

I'm ready to taper and hope two weeks is enough time to restore the speed and freshness I had in my legs before I began this 16-week ordeal.