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5ksandcabernets: You call this stuff wine?

5ksandcabernets

Thursday, May 15, 2008

You call this stuff wine?


I should know better.

When the wine salesman, err, sommelier, comes up to me in the store trying to sell me something, its not necessarily something they think tastes good. Its usually a bottle that gets them their commission.

I normally steer clear of these people. They don't know my taste buds, how finicky I might be, whether I like spicy zins or big cabs or fruit forward petite syrahs.

They don't know whether I'm spending the last $12 in my pocket or I've cashed in the quarters in my piggy bank to buy a bottle whose vintage is in the 20th century.

They don't know. And I know they don't know. And so when their shelves are filled with dusty looking bottles with labels I've never heard of or read about, I go for my usual reliables: A Peachy Canyon. An Ed Meades. A Peter Mondavi. A Layer Cake or Boarding Pass Shiraz.

But sometimes, in my confusion, my self doubt about my own taste buds, and willingness to try something new, I don't buy what I think I want, they sell me what they want me to buy.

And I get home. And I take that first swig. And I wish I was drinking Reunite instead. And no, it's not just in my head.

And its not like you can take the bottle back. Uhh, sir, this Gnarly Head tastes like shit. I'd like to exchange this open bottle for your most affordable Barossa Valley Shiraz.

And its not like I'm going to go back and buy another bottle that I'd like better. I make decent coin, but a big percent _ rightfully _ goes to my son in Austin.

So when this happens to me _ happens, like I caught a disease or something, right? _ I'm stuck with the musty-feet tasting alcohol for the night.

And its like, when you get back to the house with your takeout and you realize they didn't put extra cheese on your pizza or extra cucumber sauce on your Gyro sandwich. You're starving. Right now. And every bite you take, you are muttering, damn, those mutha-fukkers.

But you go to bed with a full belly, only out of the $5.99 you put down for the Chick-fil-A on wheat which came broiled instead of breaded.

The angst is much more with a bad bottle of wine, when you invest $15 in some fancy sounding, Chateau foo foo that turns out tasting like whatever smegma must taste like.

Wine isnt like anything else. You get a certain quality when you pay a certain amount of money for single-malt scotch, or running shoes, or stonewashed blue jeans. But sometimes, that wine bottle on the top rack hides so many secrets that an article in Wine Spectator can't unearth.

You only know the wines you like by tasting the wines. To hell with what someone else might say.

I didn't go with my own instinct when the wine guy came up to me tonight with all of his fancy words and clever terminology.

That mutha-fukker.

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8 Comments:

Blogger Laura said...

How do you keep track of the wines you like? Do you have a notebook? A fancy Excel? I took a wine tasting course in school last year that was phenomenal, and I saved all my tasting notes from it, but I still have trouble when I go to order wine at a restaurant because a) I never remember my favorites (well, I remember the varietals and characteristics, but not the vintage year or the vineyard) and b) every wine list is different so what are the chances of them having wines I've tried.

I'd like to get organized and maybe keep a list of my notes on my PDA. Just wondering how others handle that...

May 15, 2008 at 12:41 PM  
Blogger GandaMan said...

I like beer.

May 15, 2008 at 3:33 PM  
Blogger P.O.M. said...

I also never remember my favorites or can use the fancy ass words. But I know what I like and what I don't like.

And it sucks when you end up with a bunk-ass bottle. I'm sorry for your pain and distain. May that never happen again. (Hey that rhymes)

May 15, 2008 at 6:20 PM  
Anonymous Bryan said...

I can't speak for Kevin, but I use Corkd.com. Now that I think about it, I'm a little behind in updating my journal...

May 15, 2008 at 10:23 PM  
Blogger Run For Life said...

If that happens to me I tend to either give it to someone who doesn't care or make it into a sangria or mulled wine in order to attempt to make them taste better.

May 16, 2008 at 12:18 PM  
Blogger Just12Finish said...

There's gotta be some good use for bad wine somewhere. Maybe plants like 'em?

May 16, 2008 at 10:33 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Sometimes you can cook a wine into a sauce and it doesn't matter if it's crappy wine. I do this sometimes with old bottles that aren't quite finished - just save them and use them for cooking.

May 17, 2008 at 10:16 AM  
Blogger Victoria said...

I agree with Laura and uses for bad wine-- but if you go to a small enough wine store that really knows its s**t, sometimes you CAN get them to take back wine that was bad. Or at least, that's been my experience growing up in California, now living in the Bay Area. Love your blog title, by the way. It's funny...

May 24, 2008 at 7:42 PM  

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