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5ksandcabernets: Big decision I'm making


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Big decision I'm making

Usually when I visit Noah, I stay at the Austin townhouse of his mother, who lives with her mother. I sleep in my own room and I get up when Noah awakes and I get to see him before he goes to sleep. I get there on Saturdays after my long run (Yeah, you try driving 3 hours after running 20 miles and tell me how much your knees like it) and leave Monday mornings.

But I don't get along with Noah's mother. And it makes the weekend stressful. And things are getting worse.

So, I think I'm going to have to make a change. I think I'm going to get a hotel when I go see Noah. It'll mean I have to find an extra $75 to $100 every two weeks in my budget, and it also means I get there Saturday and leave Sunday, but I just don't think I can take the stress anymore. I wont get into why Nancy and I don't get along. We can't stand each other. She thinks she is right and I think I am right, but whats important is that she is a very good mother and I'm lucky and Noah is lucky that she is mom. But staying there is too stressful. Even if its only 48 hours.

I shouldn't have to go through what I have to go through to see my son. There is no law that says so. I give her 20 percent of my paycheck every two weeks, and sometimes I give her extra when Noah needs it. But now, now, if I keep staying there, I'm going to lose my mind. I just am.

And now, I've decided I won't. Nancy and I haven't been in a relationship since she left _ that's right _ she left in Oct. 2007. So, its not like we got something special going. I cant afford two nights of hotel costs every two weeks, but maybe I go to Austin every three weeks. Get there Saturday and maybe leave sometime Monday.

I think its what I have to do to keep my sanity.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

That sounds like an awful situation. Maybe you can alternate staying with Noah's mom and staying in a hotel, so you can still go every two weeks and only have to pay for a hotel half the time? Good luck.

February 18, 2009 at 7:39 AM  
Blogger Ryan V. said...

Bad situation, dude. There are some decent extended stay hotels for $50 a night in Austin. Or you could look to rent an efficiency apartment.

February 18, 2009 at 10:24 AM  
Blogger lindsay said...

hope you can find a decently priced hotel, but i agree on needing to do something for your own sanity! it says a lot that you are trying your hardest to be a part of noah's life without causing more drama. hopefully he'll make it all worth the while, and that you can soon work things out with his mom and get her to make some sacrifices too so the situation isn't so stressful? good luck kev.

February 18, 2009 at 11:20 AM  
Blogger Burger said...

have you thought about posting something on CL perhaps for a P/T rental? Maybe there's someone in that area looking for extra income that has a spare bed/guestroom. Just a thought.

Sorry to hear about the current situation. Sounds like she's a handful ;)

February 18, 2009 at 11:50 AM  
Anonymous SonjaCassella said...

Your decision seems like a reasonable one to me. As Robert Frost said, "Good fences make good neighbors." You are quite committed to your son and that is going to be good for him, and for you, in the long run. Try to have faith and keep up the contact. In a few years, visiting will get easier, he will be able to leave his mom for visits and you can do more things together. Meanwhile, just "being there" right now is doing a lot.

February 18, 2009 at 12:02 PM  
Blogger butcept said...

Good luck in whatever you decide. It's too bad you don't have a close friend to hang out with, those every two weeks.

February 18, 2009 at 6:11 PM  
Blogger Ulyana said...

Your son is so adorable!!!!! An angel! Such a difficult decision... Burger's idea sounds great, for a few hundred dollars, cheaper than paying for hotel you could have a room somewhere... and maybe even come more often (every three weeks just sounds horrible).

February 18, 2009 at 7:11 PM  
Blogger Run For Life said...

That picture is adorable! Sorry to hear about the trouble. Ultimately, if it will help your sanity it will also help Noah. Good luck.

(I agree that driving after a long run sucks!)

February 18, 2009 at 9:06 PM  
Blogger Kevin said...

All - thanks for the kind words, especially about my son. I swear, everytime I see him I want to nibble on his ears, or bite one of his toes. The ideas about an efficiency, or evevn a cheaper hotel are very good ones that I will look into.

February 19, 2009 at 11:30 AM  
Blogger fraizerbaz said...

Gosh, he sure is a cutie!

Good call on the hotel idea, btw.

February 19, 2009 at 2:48 PM  
Anonymous Apples said...

I just came to your blog from another so this is my first time reading and commenting.

You obviously both know whats good for your son. She seems nice enough to offer you her house if you need it and you nice enough to say how much of a good mom she is. However, you are also smart enough to know when its time to know when its time to figure out different arrangements. Hope you can figure something out that works for everyone. And who knows maybe this might enable your ex and you to stay on a friendly level.

February 23, 2009 at 2:09 AM  

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